Mums with a pushchair are in everybody's way; why do they perservere? The days I have used mine, I have constantly been met with annoyed and sometimes abusive people (obstacles) in my path; this is especially true when 1) walking with other mothers with pushchairs on narrow pavements, 2) in shops and 3) on public transport. These are things we do fairly often*. It is clear that other mums cope, but for me the pushchair is a miserable compromise, and not even a very good one.
Pushchairs give parents somewhere to load up their stuff. Pushchairs also give parents a way of understanding the new baby in already understood terms, giving the illusion that their baby is making no impact on their life: the child is pushed around like a shopping trolley. Ie, the baby is understandable like shopping and no new categories have to be formed to embrace the new life. This is important every time a Mother sets out on her journey from home. It gives her the promise of predictability. We know how shopping behaves. (Being able to "get my head around" what was going to happen and plan for the day ahead has been a major issue for me, and it is for every other mother I have met). Maybe this gives her the strength to leave the house. It is the feeling that everything is going to be OK. But it isn't based on truth. Mothers and babies get through the day in their resilience, but I see that the levels of stress they have to contend with are unnecessary and too high. The pushchair pretends to help, but brings additional stress not directly related to the - already high - stresses of having a baby. There are already many 'unavoidable' stresses. In other words, ways of coping with these can lead to even worse problems. *2
Parents (I mean mums in particular, dads spend so much less time with their children) will do everything they can to maintain high levels of separation from their children and foster a spirit of artifice, rather than instinct, in their dealings with their children. Then they like to wonder why? Questions like "why isn't she independent when I have spent so long instilling the values of independence in her" will be asked. The child may have had her own room from 2 weeks old; she will often have total separation from mother whilst asleep - in a pushchair or cot - from birth; and then a new brother or sister will come along to take over the parents' attention, by which time, 'mummy' is experienced at keeping her love under control. By doing this, parents exchange their future joy for current coping. Mothers do the day to day work in implementation, and fathers collude by their lack of availablity to help.
At a basic level, I have the advantage of being sensitive to the reactions I create in public, and am inclined to blend in and be unrestricted in where I go. I also lived in a top floor flat for the first 6 months from the birth of my son; there was no easy way to bring in a sleeping baby but attached to my body (although I know most other mothers in top floor flats manage to overcome this obstacle somehow). I have used slings from birth with my 9 month old baby. Sometimes only at the last minute in passing do people notice I have a baby. It's easy for me to forget the baby - I know he is completely content and safe - and during these times, I carry on life as I please.
My baby travels in this sling every day and I highly recommend it as the best sling available: http://www.kari-me.com/products.asp. It is expensive given that it is just a long piece of cotton with lycra. I think the company is worth supporting so I bought it without much hesitation. If you can't afford it, it is possible to make your own. There must be stuff about it here (http://www.thebabywearer.com) but I don't know because I haven't got through their registration process.
*Mothers in the first few months of having a baby must have the company of other mothers (if only to get through the experience with minimal depression/madness at this time of heightened confusion); children and babies also thrive on the companionship of peers. So we go for walks together on the narrow pavements provided; shopping and travelling on public transport together - difficult enough as a solitary occupation - is pretty much ruled out.
PS, Why do disabled people in wheelchairs take priority over mothers and pushchairs on London buses?
*2 For me so far, the main cause of unavoidable stress has been the volume of advice I've ploughed through before I let myself follow my instincts. It drove me crazy trying to get my head around what was the right thing to do. My brain felt like it was in complete chaos, just like the baby's unpredictable behaviour. Whenever the little one cried, I'd think of all the wrong I was doing him. Many people settle for the promise of predictablity. I am glad I perservered with the investigation to find a better way: once I did get my head round it, I could start enjoying my baby without restraint.
QI (Quite Interesting) cafe in Oxford. My cup of mint tea tasted of goats cheese. Then I noticed a brown mouth print on the cup that smelled of goats cheese.